Tuesday, August 01, 2006

And some days, its just crap from every direction

Why'd you do it Gerry? Why did you put out Diogenes' lantern?

I didn't get a chance to cache all the wonderful commenting, playful and plangent and perplexing. You were throwing good punches! I'd stand right beside you, shaking my own liver-spotted fist at the same massed armor of greedy evils and apathy! But now who's gonna have the encouragement of your unvarnished example, your unsparing criticism?

Blogicide: is it a crime or does a blog have a right to die with dignity?

Ah, but 'tis done. The thing is done
The Discourse ceases livin'.
Our options dwindle down to one:
Fare well. All's forgiven.


Gerry said...

A relationship develops between a blogger and a commenter (often another blogger). Some you become fond of, some you don't.

Recently three bloggers, who I thought of as my friends, took offense at things I said and terminated their relationship with me.

This has devastated me. I'm not going to keep blogging if I'm so toxic that those I care about get offended by what I say. I can't do "nice" blogging. I thought those who came to know me through my blog and bothered to establish a rapport with me were also those who could look less harshly at what I'm saying and perhaps be a tad forgiving.

But no, I was wrong. I must not be forgiven. I must not be taken with a grain of salt.

"Friendship" (by Dinah Craik)
Oh, the comfort —
the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person —
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,
but pouring them all right out,
just as they are,
chaff and grain together;
certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping,
and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

Of course, ironically almost, my crime was that in my words, they did not feel safe. So, from their perception, I was not a friend.

"Feeling safe with a person..." There's two ways one can take that:

[1] I feel unsafe and this is due to my own insecurity, over-sensitivity, paranoia, etc., and therefore I will own this fear and not see the other person as the source for it.

[2] I feel unsafe and therefore the problem is the other person and I cannot be friends with someone whom I blame for making me feel unsafe.

Craik, I think, did not mean for her words to be interperted as per [2]. I think [2] leads to only one outcome: The death of a friendship, blamed on the other.

I just didn't know I was such an evil creature.

So, GS, I've given up. I've uttered my famous curse (Yuze can all get...) at the whole of humanity (and among oxymorons, "humanity" [n] has to be in the non plus ultra category).

GreenSmile said...

Well that's your call Gerry but I noted quite a few commenters who took your good and let your not so good just roll off. I am sorry this all works out to be so much pain for you because its been a hoot for most of us.


Gerry said...

Not just my pain, but the pain of those whom I have hurt with my blog. As I said, they were people I thought of as friends. The cost has been too high alll round.

The only alternative I can see is that I become this self-censoring, mealy-mouthed, politically correct construct, "safe for human consumption, containing no allergens". It would then no longer be Diogenesian Discourse. It would be some boringly "nice", "feel-good" type of blog. I'd have to rename it "Gerry's Mutual Admiration Society".

Anyway, nothing in the blogging world is final, so who knows...

By the way, I've copied the comment above onto my blog's "gravestone", so you might get a bunfight happening over here. Tell me if this bothers you. But I reckon you're a big boy now... ;-)

JahTeh said...

You rotten little swine of a bear, you said we had until the 4th of August to grab the goodies we needed. Now who am I going to pith on?

Gerry said...

JahTeh, yes, I did that.

"It's my blog
and I'll quit when I want to,
quit when I want to,
you would quit too
if it happened to you"

Tragic, isn't it? ;-)

GS, it occurred to me that it was bad form of me to bring this bunfight over here. So please feel free to delete all of my comments here. No worries at all...

GreenSmile said...

Delete? and thereby censor, proving the lame contention that you are in any need of censoring. Nope. Won't do it. Besides, I think we have now imported "bunfight" to the states an the comment stands as the dated bill of lading for the importation. I hope a definition can be found.

I accept your decision reluctantly but I too know an audience close to home that would judge and obsess over some of the thoughts in ET. I could get dooced out of more than a job. Thus anonymous I stay.

A post I may keep in draft for ever says: "Two people who are strongly inclined to fret over what others think of them are the ingredients for a relationship from hell, or from heaven but always near the brink of hell and nowhere in between. I have observed their hells. I have observed their falls from heaven, seldom checked and always coming as a surprise."

I benefit from a particular kind of indifference to others that makes my relationships so long lived and even keeled and shallow.

Gerry said...

You're a gem, GS.

But this indifference of which you speak, whilst buying you time, would in the end, get you hung for being seen to be "uncaring"...

GreenSmile said...

what is this with Aussies not being abel to get off the hook if they make a nice apology?

Davo said...

Jeez, who has the need to call on more than one person to be friend? This dickhead is pissed orf for the loss of two?
Sad, really.
(if comfort cannot be found within self, no comfort can be found elsewhere.)

Link said...

Hello Greensmile. I have a strong suspicion that I may have been one among the triumverate responsible for the Bear's blogicide. Poor bear. It was a public bunfight so other's can judge who the injured party should be. (If they could be bothered).

'having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words'

You reckon eh Ger?

You cannot teach an old dog new tricks, we all know that, and I doubt that any of us visiting diogenesian discourse would have been convinced with a bear paying lipservice to political correctness.

I did not terminate my 'friendship' with gerry, this is an action he can claim sole responsibility for. I said I would not be returning (to that particular post) to read what undoubtedly would be a patronising, rant/reply. And why would I, just to get my pink nylon panties in a knot eh Ger?

Gerry has tied himself up into a Gordian knot of his own making. He has cut off his nose to spite his face and seems ill-prepared to suffer the consequences of his words/actions. Best ye then moderate them eh Ger?

The Australian blogosphere could well do without another touchy feely new age blog, as indeed can the world can do without another patriarchal, patronising, silly old fool.

I did eventually return to read his reply (as predicted), but apologise? What for? Hell will freeze over before I'll give ground to those who are (even unwittingly), upholding the miserable and destructive status quo of patriarchy, of which the bear for all his freedom fighting, is IMO guilty as charged.

He'd be one of the last I'd untie and I'm quite sure would flunk re-education many times over before he may finally concede that women are not second class citizens, who can be dismissed, talked down to, or ridiculed with a few patronising strokes of the pen. I guess its a generational thing for which I should have more compassion, a bit like I SHOULD have compassion for George Tony and John.

It is a shame because Gerry is a good writer, and diogensian discourse is/was full of good resources.

chumpsrock said...

Pssst... don't tell Gerry, but look what I found. You DO have friends, Gerry. And these friends will miss you more than any poem or quote can convey with words.

GreenSmile said...

I am sure you mean well but are you thinking this through? When people are fighting, you don't stand by and point out all the weapons they haven't yet used. I for one certainly did not need to be told how to find archives and I am not finished caching them because each one has to opened to get at the comments...bloody tedious. If you point their location out to everyone, there may be a need to delete the archives...quite in keeping with the only tool Gerry feels he has for dealing with the hurts that are being handed out here: take his blog and go home.

The consequences remain to be seen but I really wish you were a bit more clearheaded about what you potentiate.

[my alternative was to delete your comment but that has repercussions too and the cat's already out of the bag.]


A little discretion and a whole lot of not taking things so seriously would do us all some good. Over the entrance to hell, according to Dante, is inscribed "abandon all hope ye who enter here". Gerry knows a disclaimer when he sees one and if we have learned nothing else from him, we could at least take disclaimers at their word. This blogging thing as we have done it here is about discourse, as Gerry captures in his title. There are slow and fast ways to choke off discourse and we seem to be trying them all.

[I hate to sound like such a scold but much that is good has gone on the chopping block along with whatever was trouble]

chumpsrock said...

I certainly didn't mean any harm. Gerry clearly values friendship, and if he decides he's really finished with his weblog forever, I respect his decision, as a friend. And I think he would respect my decision to see if there was any hope of being able to read his words again. My sincerest apologies for any misunderstanding. Gerry, I think I've been clear about how important Diogenesian Discourse is to me personally, and I know there are plenty who feel the same way.

GreenSmile said...

Oh dear no, there is not a doubt in my mind that you enjoy and value the tart and tough posts Gerry has served up, as most of us do.

Gerry said...

Ok, so it was stupid to try to remove all but the last post from the web. It's all back up again (but something is broken regarding photos).

Thanks for the supporive comments, guys.

I'm still on blog strike though and will remain so indefinately.

I've re-opened commments on the blog, and that's where I'll deal with this issue. Especially Link's comment made here.

Davo said...

Yer a BERK, Gerry, and I will have difficulty trusting you again. You said you would pull it.

(though am well aware of the "until further notice" escape hatch .. heh.

GreenSmile said...

I don't have the comments yet, but have downloaded the entire image of your archives...your bearishnes has been cloned but not our boorishness...so now we being the Virtual Diogenes...we can just refer to it as VD. And now what I so often threatened: to picnic on your blog and leave my trash, has come back to me like a boomerang.
Boy! you should never mess with Aussies.