Sometimes I just feel wonderful. The sun shines on a yard full of flowers and a cool breeze caresses me. Or when I camp in the desert and the sun rises in majestic measured pace repainting every corner of the uncaring vastness with a progression of warming hues...for me alone if you count the audiance. Or I get off the tour bus and walk ant-like for miles along the rim of the Grand Canyon where it stretches the horizon and sparkles under crystal skies and its billion years flood in through my eyes. Or somewhere north of Limekiln on the Cabrillo, I find an isolated beach at the bottom of a precarious climb and sit on the sand with a bit of wine and cheese while surf from some storm I never heard of plangently drums eternity against the cliffs and then the golden disk slips away taking its blue with it, and finally pink and purple embers fade and all that was clear becomes vague shadows. Or, in a flash of recollection, the decades I have focused on this woman, whose hips still call to me, parade from improbable meeting, turn by turn to this moment.
Do I need to know where awe comes from? According to the tour bus guide some dozens of persons per year get off that same bus and "fall" 500 feet down the face of that rim I trod. A few wait for dusk at the beach so they can, without any intention of learning how to swim, wade out into the breakers. What discomfort drives some away from the conclusion that all and any of our reactions to the world well up from within our own minds? We can fool ourselves about our responsibility for our own lives only so long. And while we are fooling ourselves, we are no better off, only out of touch. Gilding the lilly of our good feelings and tarring our bad ones doesn't control either but only puts greater insight out of reach.
If two look on the same scene and one finds awe but the other, terror
Why say the one is a gift from god but the other's a personal error?
What counsels us that we must "know" before we even "see".
Explanation is comfort but acceptance is cure.
All I know about a person who demands to be sure
Is that they never have been and never will be.