...and most of congress:
After installation of drug trace monitoring technology in the sewers of the nation's capitol, an army of DC area police forces swept up the president, vice president, most white house staff and all but six congressmen. Booking was mandatory because they had each flunked drug tests which are required for federal employees. The "clean six" were found to be free of any trace of the various prescription substances because they never drink the water in the nation's capitol. Preferring imported Vodka to anything coming out of a tap, they were however already facing a variety of DUI charges.
In other news, Congress has voted emergency funds to upgrade water treatment for formerly ill-served neighborhoods around the Capitol where crack houses and the industry supporting them are often found.
NOTE: some people get paid to find Washington DC funny. The rest of us just do it for laughs.