We have a saying from the Talmud: do not console the mourner while his dead lie before him.
I have found in dealing with those who were facing their own death that it helped us both to make an opportunity to cry or to admit how hard it was to keep up a brave appearance. The suffering should be acknowledged. I am off to a shiva this evening but forutnately it is one of those we describe as "full of years and good works, she breathed her last among her children".
When we die, I like to point out, the disturbance is over for us. But when our children die it is half of our own death and still, we must live through it. I have no words nor way to share the ache of 32 families this evening.
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